How I’m Feeling

won’t fit into a status update, and, since this blog is ever my narcissistic loudspeaker to the world, i here share my thoughts with you on this breezy, autumnal (noooo!!!!!) August eve.

just got back from a walk through the neighbourhood, my usual ‘circuit’ that i do, only this time, edmund (and his trusty run bike) accompanied me. it is truly a glorious evening–the sky softening to a pale eggshell blue, “little breezes dusk and shiver”, and the last rays of the sun mellow from golden to copper as they slip off the waving cornstalks and slide out of our garden. it seems, on nights like this, to be a world of blessing and abundance: the waiting harvest, the still green leaves, people and dogs ambling through the sunshine. i know that this plentiful goodness is context specific; we can all think of those who are not feeling or experiencing such loveliness. yet, just for tonight, it seems enough to hold it all in my open hands (thanks, bobbi, for that image) and be truly grateful.

may this image and feeling sustain me in the bleakness of winter, in the darkness of sad days. may it hold on to me, as i hold on to it. may you be likewise blessed by goodness, and may it abide with you.

where the heck have i been

indeed.  it’s been awhile, ladies and gents, since last i posted.  what can i say?  i’m teaching sewing two nights a week, the prep for which seriously cuts into my blogging time.  that said, i have attempted, in the last two days, to make a photo record of some of the happenings here in milleyville.

Small Visitors:

On Monday, the delightful Ember joined us while her parents were finishing up term papers.

(Note the hairstyle.  apparently, we inflict it on all tiny people who enter our realm.)

Then, on Thursday, we got to hang with Moses:

who’s starting to crawl, btw.  (also note the lack of pigtails here.  while moses is growing a sweet fro, it’s not yet ample enough for hair elastics.  but don’t think we haven’t considered it.)

Creative Projects:

as happens every year when the sun *finally* shines, i go a little mad for the artistic pursuits.  in the last two weeks, i have made:

this nightie re-purposed from agatha’s extra curtains,

a skirt for myself out of this amazing fabric, and

this pair of capris for agatha, my first foray into designing pants.  In my head, i’ve also begun a version of the adelaide pinney for agatha, using some fantastic fabric, that will match the pants.

Outdoor Cleaning:

or, as other people title it, “Gardening”.  both the children, but particularly agatha, are obsessed with growing things.  we’ve been germinating seeds in cups in the house, but last week finally gave in, joined the masses, and purchased some starter materials for our own wee kitchen garden.  I have to say, it’s been quite fun, and certainly gets us outside.  All of it is made possible, however, by the fact that Edmund is now somewhat independent and self-sufficient when outside, puttering about with some favourite toys. Meanwhile, agatha spends time observing the lifestyle and behaviours of worms, or helps with the weeding and clearing.  almost idyllic, actually.  Let’s hope some of the plants will actually take

On a totally random note, i conclude with a photo of Edmund, because who doesn’t love a picture of a kid covered in marshmallows and chocolate?

question o’ the day:  are there any tasks/projects you are likely to take up in the spring?

flotsam, jetsam, and tsunamis

it appears that most of life is made up of bits and pieces, small triumphs and hurts, routines and minor surprises.  certainly, my own existence feels like that most of the time.  Then i have these moments, maybe you do too, where I realize that bigger things are happening too, just behind the veneer of everyday life.  some of these bigger things are significant only because they have a personal effect; agatha appears to need glasses, for example.  kids need glasses all the time, but when it’s your kid who’s been walking around only mostly seeing things for perhaps years, it seems pretty important.

then, there are those other things, the ones that aren’t so everyday, for most people.  my neighbour’s dog was hit by a car this last week, right on our street, and a certain amount of mayhem ensued.  there was blood, and seizuring (in the dog), and that awful sound of keening, hysterical grief (the owner).  fortunately, it seems that a vet was able to stabilize the dog, and all of that craziness may only be an odd, off-kilter memory for everyone involved–a sort of big small event, if that makes sense.

then, there are those issues that dwarf all the others.   i’m reading “There is No Me Without You” for bookclub.  It’s about the HIV/AIDS crisis in Africa, specifically, in Ethiopia, and about a woman housing and caring for some of the thousands of orphans.  I think i’ve cried and raged and been struck dumb with grief and horror about every 20 pages, and i’m only just over half way through.  Don’t let that dissuade you from reading it.  Unpleasant as it is, i think we need to know what’s happening, and we need to decide our individual responses.  for far too long, i’ve let the enormity of the problem stupefy me into inaction.  now, i don’t know.  there’s got to be something that can be done for the 28 million (!) AIDS orphans (not counting hep, famine, war etc.).  it’s not about getting on the bandwagon, or decrying the horrors.  it’s not about issuing murderous imprecations against the heads of the major pharmaceuticals (though, i think right now i’d like to).  it’s about…it’s about…well, a lost generation.  millions of kids without moms and dads, without anyone to take care of them, or teach them how to care for themselves.  and we can’t even find homes for foster kids in our own province.

i’m not saying that this particular issue is the only one, either.  it’s just the one in the forefront of my mind right now, the one that seems to have burst through the sometimes numbing routine of domestic life.  it’s shaken me up, re-awakened the dormant activist in me, and dared me to write this uncharacteristically political/philosophical/polemical post.

question o’ the day:  what issue really gets to you?

so long….for now.

hey everyone.

can you believe i’m going to be in a place with no connection?  no wifi?  no interwebs?  well, it’s true.  so, you won’t be hearing from me for a wee bit.  but feel free to write comments, or answer this open-ended question:

What do you love most about the interwebs?  les blogs?  cubecraft?  youtube? (no porn, pls. though i know it’s mighty pop-u-laire).  How long could you go without a connection before you felt certifiably crazy?

all about the wonder

Occasionally, (very occasionally now that small ones run my life) i have a philosophical moment, a brief period of time where certain incidents coalesce in my brain and lead to reflection.  this last week, i have been thinking about wonder, about awe, about being fully present…and it’s all mr. rogers’ fault.

let me explain.  last week, i did what i usually do on mondays.  i let the kids have lunch in front of a taped rerun of mr. rogers while i ride my bike on the trainer.  it works well for all of us (though less well for the carpet in the den), and i sort of look forward to it.  anyhoo, on that particular episode, mr. r was at a large wild animal park (a really big one, meghann, with 1800 acres in the southern u.s.).  he got to ride out into an enclosure and feed giraffes. so there he is, in the back of a safari truck, offering carrots to the giant and comical giraffes (who grab food with elongated purple tongues, i might add).  And, suddenly, he looks straight into the camera with this look of such unmediated delight that you could see, just briefly, what he must have looked like as an awestruck child.  It struck me as such a brave and lovely thing, that openness to pure joy, that willingness to express his absolute gratitude and sheer happiness that, at 65+, here he was, getting to feed giraffes.

The next night, i was privileged enough to spend an evening listening to Maya Angelou.  As the stories drew to a close, she shared with us the Terance quote, “I am human; therefore, nothing human can be alien to me.”  She went on to point out that this statement does in fact mean what it is often reported to–that any heinous crime is possible by any person.  But, she went on to elaborate that this statement also infers that any positive action is possible.  “I see that person over there giving love,” she said, “so i know it is possible for me to love.  Much more, I see that person receive love, and I know that that is possible.”  Again, i was overwhelmed.  She seemed so completely in awe of those possibilities, so totally thankful for all the positive things humans are capable of.

Where does all this lead me?  Well, i think i’m beginning to believe that wonder is an indication of maturity, and not cynicism, or ironic distance, or self-consciousness, as i think i have always believed.  the notion that i might be fully in a moment, without thought or care for what those around me may think, is a powerful one.  because i think it takes courage to really be, to not strike a mental or emotional pose.  to feel.  to hope.  to suffer.  and, more than most things, i’d like to be like these people i admire–aging with dignity and still chock full of wonder at the universe.