30-day trial

WARNING: THIS IS ONE OF THOSE ANGSTY, REFLECTIVE POSTS, SO IF YOU’RE NOT ENAMOURED OF THIS PART OF MY BLOG PERSONA, READ NO FURTHER.

that said, i have been thinking about facebook and twitter recently. actually, i’ve been thinking about facebook since i left, almost 2 (!) yrs. ago. i am considering a return to the Dark Side, but have, as yet, not made up my mind.

On the pros side, facebook allows me to connect with friends and fam whom i never get to see. i can find out what they’re up to, and send my good wishes, without a ton of effort on either side. on the down side, i have a somewhat addictive personality, which is why i gave it up in the first place. having a computer around basically 24/7 makes it difficult to resist checking in on all my ‘friends’ often. too often.

as for twitter, i do like the idea of micro-blogging, since twitter makes it easier for people to read my musings, and to reply. sometimes regular blogging feels a bit like shouting into a room where the lights have just been switched off. i can hear other people breathing and muttering, but few people call out so i can identify them. i’m just like that, too; i read other people’s blogs, but don’t comment all that often. in this way, it seems like twitter could be a win-win. BUT, will twitter kill my ability to write anything above 140 characters? will i stop blogging? will i become a twitter junkie, a sort of self-obsessed proclaimer of all things banal, addicted to the rush of people paying attention to my every verbalized thought? this last objection is the reason i’ve been holding out on the whole twitter phenomenon. i’m not accusing anyone of this, by the way, just subjecting myself to a bit of critical self-examination.

lastly, and perhaps most importantly, staying out of the facebook/twitter loop is making me feel, well, (and laugh out loud if you wish) OLD. maybe it’s that my birthday is just around the corner, or that summer always fills me with this bittersweet longing to be 21 forever, with all my possible destinies still ahead of me. i do realize, however, how essentialized and unrealistic that version of my youth is, and most of the time i’m able to shake off the nostalgia. but as i think through all these issues about connection, relationship, being ‘wired’, the omnipresence of the interwebs, i can’t help feeling like i’m shaking an upraised and impotent fist at an unfeeling sky. is there any point in decrying our absolute societal obsession with the internet? with broadcasting our personal lives? with being able to access EVERYTHING from EVERYWHERE at ANY TIME? i wonder.

and, as if to illustrate the wonderful and crazy world i’ve just been describing, the shoes i ordered online at 7 pm monday night were just delivered, and i’m now posting a picture of them.

House of Virus, catching up, and a Maternity Manifesto

i’ll be writing this for as long as the kids play happily in playroom and den, so i may conclude rather abruptly. consider yourselves duly forewarned. I did, however, think it was time for a post, though i am rather loathe to catalogue the happenings of the last week, since there have been few highlights. In the main, we are sick with the flu, not the stomach flu, thankfully, but the fevery, mewling cough, stuffy, achy flu. jaegen succumbed first, and spent the end of last week shuffling from upstairs to down and back again, muttering in fevered sleep, and generally overcome by malaise. the kids and i have it now, and we are sort of coping, with no trips (yet) to emerg, thankfully.
There were a couple of bright spots, however. We were privileged to be a part of the Rigolo’s ConfirmationCelebration 2009, and we had an extended visit with dr. (dr.) miranda, who braved the house of illness to visit with us before jetting off to Thailand (lucky girl). if we’d been more well, this would be where i would insert photos of these happy events. instead you’ll have to imagine the laughter and subdued good times.
on another note, i have been composing a list of things that i want to declare to the world, since i have, of late, felt mildly (and sometimes, acutely) misunderstood. the beginning goes something like this:

I, Jennifer will

1. cease to apologize for having an untidy house, thereby implying that i think that cleanliness is a virtue of some kind, or that i secretly judge others for the states of their respective abodes.

2. proclaim that the things that i do, including, but not restricted to: cooking, baking, sewing, knitting, crafting, and hosting i do because I WANT TO DO THEM, and not because they are TRADITIONAL DOMESTIC PURSUITS that befit a mother. seriously. this means, therefore, that i do not hold in lower esteem any other woman/mother who does not like/pursue these same activities.

3. stop comparing myself, as much as possible, to my peers. nuff said.

4. try to accept that, though, motherhood most often FEELS like I am failing at a number of smallish tasks simultaneously, it doesn’t mean i am A FAILURE.

i’m still thinking on this topic, and therefore may subject you soon to more of these rather pompous pronouncements. i will attempt, however, to make them more pithy and witty.

Question o’ the day:
If you were to declare something to the world today, what would you declare? (like a facebook status, or a promise, or a clarification….) in capital letters, please

As promised

I am here posting some photos. It’s going to be a big post, so prepare yourselves, and be patient with your browser.

Up first, some soccer moments captured by a proud and bemused father:

Our lovely Garden Park, home of Soccer Mania. And last but not least, the most important tradition:
The Halftime Orange. Must confess, due to a complete ignorance of team sportage, I had no idea what this was, until I was recently enlightened. I still have no idea as to the origins of the ritual–refueling, team-building, a defense against scurvy….?

Next in the docket, some pics (does anyone else loathe that shortened word as i do?) from our visit to Aurora’s abode. Still loving the manual focus on the portrait lens:
oh, the bette davis eyes on that one…

who doesn’t love trying on the guests’ shoes?

Still more to come.  Friday was Agatha’s first Sports Day, and from what I observed, it looked like a giant FunFest for all involved.  Here she is in one of the relays:

And here, skipping to the Final Tally of Points:

Not done yet.  Here is a final one for THIS post, stay tuned for another whole post about the long weekend:

The First of Several (hopefully)

this was one of the several things that happened last week. i’m getting to posting about the rest, i swear, so stay tuned…

songs for a sunny spring morning, and other sundry things i like

Jaegen and his college friends used to joke about the “Gods of Random” knowing exactly which songs you needed to hear.  Back then (when dinosaurs regularly passed by, right?) these sage deities were limited to the number of cds your system could load at once.  Now, of course, my ipod has the lovely “shuffle songs” setting; in fact, edmund very often asks for “Shuffle Songs” as a genre of music to be played in the car.

Enough with the loquacious preamble. (smirk.) This morning, my tiny ipod selected, in this order:

“Dreaming” by OMD (from the “Twilight” playlist vanessa bought me for my birthday)

“Here Come the Geese” by the Barenaked Ladies (“Snacktime”)

“Maybe Baby” Buddy Holly

“The Bed’s Too Big” The Police

“Runnin’ Wild” an awesome scratchy, original live Benny Goodman recording from “This Is Jazz”

and finished up with “Your Song” by Elton John.

kick. ass.

granted, there’s no blues/hard rock, or or hip hop/rap, or classical in there, but still, a lovely playlist for a lovely day.

First Question O’ the Day:

What are the last 3-5 songs you listened to?

Other Things I’m Loving Right Now:

in no particular order:

1.  cherry blossoms in full, riotous bloom everywhere.

2. SUNSHINE.  SUNSHINE. SUNSHINE.  DON’T LEAVE ME, PLEASE. PLEASE. I’LL DO ANYTHING YOU ASK, JUST DON’T LEAVE!

3.  My favourite podcasts: this , (thanks forever, Meg Fowler), this, (thanks, Mark Rigolo), and this. ha ha. now you have to click to find out how fantastic these weekly doses of mommy sanity are. also, am looking forward to listening to this. though, that last one will not be to everyone’s taste.  consider yourself forewarned.

4. fresh bread in da house!!! (thanks, carolyn, for the cinnamon/raisin suggestion)

5. learning to garden.  i can’t believe it.  really, i can’t.  i am morphing into my grandmother in strange and strangely delightful ways.

6.  listening to the small people do a rendition of the Wonder Pets theme. Hi-Larrrry-Us! Will attempt to record it later, and thus subject you all to its precocious sweetness.

Second Question O’ the Day:

What is something small or minor that you are absolutely delighted with?

must go to fabric store now.  oh, the hardship.  oh, my life.

good day, bad day.

Some days are unmitigated disasters. Others are a delightful romp. Then are those that seem to swing like a giant pendulum from happy satisfaction to total vexation.  Today is rolling out like one of these.

Consider the following:

Good thing:  Children and i made it to school on time (good) and in pleasant moods (v. good).  Edmund and i followed on to the dreaded Walmart to pick up a few of those No-One-Else-Carries-It items (like Kraft Caramels!!! and Milk Duds!!! and other such important things).

Bad thing:  Got home and discovered that i’d bought two identical packages of kids’ t-shirts for painting, when i intended to buy one of each of different sizes. (bad)  Discovered this mix up only once both packages had been ripped open and destroyed, thus rendering a return near-impossible. (pissy bad)

Good thing:  Isabelle called to invite agatha to spend a night away with her cousins and grandparents, which she will be thrilled about.  I opted to ask my nephew to stay, so that he and edmund could have a little cousin time too.

Bad thing:  after all the arranging, was in a hurry to get to the promised Kindergym avec Edmund.  discovered that agatha’s now-due school library book had been misfiled in the bookshelf, thus necessitating a trip BACK to school.

Good thing:  Did the kid time thing with edmund, and remembered to pick up his preschool reg package.  feeling very smugly organized.

Bad thing:  carrying now-tired child back to car, bird pukes–that’s right, pukes–on jenn’s head.  seriously gross.  semi-masticated bread crumb lodges in jenn’s unruly hair.  jenn must now drive home, gagging all the way.

the hair is now rinsed out, and i have to say, i’m a bit trepidatious (sp?) about doing ANYTHING for the rest of today.

How’s about yous?  Question o’ the day:  what’s the most pendulum-like day you’ve had of late?

flotsam, jetsam, and tsunamis

it appears that most of life is made up of bits and pieces, small triumphs and hurts, routines and minor surprises.  certainly, my own existence feels like that most of the time.  Then i have these moments, maybe you do too, where I realize that bigger things are happening too, just behind the veneer of everyday life.  some of these bigger things are significant only because they have a personal effect; agatha appears to need glasses, for example.  kids need glasses all the time, but when it’s your kid who’s been walking around only mostly seeing things for perhaps years, it seems pretty important.

then, there are those other things, the ones that aren’t so everyday, for most people.  my neighbour’s dog was hit by a car this last week, right on our street, and a certain amount of mayhem ensued.  there was blood, and seizuring (in the dog), and that awful sound of keening, hysterical grief (the owner).  fortunately, it seems that a vet was able to stabilize the dog, and all of that craziness may only be an odd, off-kilter memory for everyone involved–a sort of big small event, if that makes sense.

then, there are those issues that dwarf all the others.   i’m reading “There is No Me Without You” for bookclub.  It’s about the HIV/AIDS crisis in Africa, specifically, in Ethiopia, and about a woman housing and caring for some of the thousands of orphans.  I think i’ve cried and raged and been struck dumb with grief and horror about every 20 pages, and i’m only just over half way through.  Don’t let that dissuade you from reading it.  Unpleasant as it is, i think we need to know what’s happening, and we need to decide our individual responses.  for far too long, i’ve let the enormity of the problem stupefy me into inaction.  now, i don’t know.  there’s got to be something that can be done for the 28 million (!) AIDS orphans (not counting hep, famine, war etc.).  it’s not about getting on the bandwagon, or decrying the horrors.  it’s not about issuing murderous imprecations against the heads of the major pharmaceuticals (though, i think right now i’d like to).  it’s about…it’s about…well, a lost generation.  millions of kids without moms and dads, without anyone to take care of them, or teach them how to care for themselves.  and we can’t even find homes for foster kids in our own province.

i’m not saying that this particular issue is the only one, either.  it’s just the one in the forefront of my mind right now, the one that seems to have burst through the sometimes numbing routine of domestic life.  it’s shaken me up, re-awakened the dormant activist in me, and dared me to write this uncharacteristically political/philosophical/polemical post.

question o’ the day:  what issue really gets to you?

these, however, are good photos.

for those of you in the newly coined GMU (Greater Milley Universe–thanks, vanessa), here are some fantastic photos of my new nephew.  (thanks also to barbie, for posting a similar link in the comments section of the previous post).

As for the craftiness, tara, it’s funny you should mention.  i had been planning to display photos of my newest design, a re-working of that little pinafore i made for agatha the other week.  This time, I’m calling it the “Adelaide”, and have done it in a Holly Hobbyesque fashion for a child Aurora’s size (if she will deign to wear it   It’s still in pieces, but here are some shots of the pocket i have designed and fashioned for it.  they remind me of little ladybugs, and i’m sure i’ll be making one into a ladybug jumper soon…

Oh, and Lisa, from where i’m sitting (rubbing frigid fingers together in a drafty old house), i can’t see any signs of spring to take photos of–but don’t lose heart.  once the snow melts(!), i’ll be sure to keep an eye out.

Hey…i’m alice!

alive, actually, but this little typo continues to amuse, years after stumbling upon it.

anyhoo, that’s all to say that i am, in fact, conscious, in moderate health, and without real excuse for my lack of posting in the past week.  suffice it to say, though, that in january, inspiration seems very, how you say, thin on the ground.

so, since i am both MyOwnBoss, and therefore, MyOwnWorstEnemy, i am going to set myself an arbitrary little task for this week.  I will try, barring trips to emerg, or other such domestic calamities, to post a little photo each day until friday.  this will be a tonic for my mild ill humour, and will hopefully provide a wee spot of cheer in your week (good grief, who’s been watching too many period piece dramas downloaded from british teevee??).  it would be helpful, nonetheless, if you, my faithful readers, (if you’re still out there. sniff. ) could offer up suggestions for photos/posts.  are there parts of my humble existence that you have not seen?  would you like a play-by-play of a typical morning?  like to know my latest musings on the state of literature and the arts?  Consider these somewhat self-focused questions to be your Questions o’ the Day.  I look forward to hearing your suggestions.  as for today’s photo, i’m afraid you’ll have to check back later today, or watch your RSS for it.  it is yet neither bright enough, nor eventful enough for photo-taking.

ttfn.

shamelessly ripped off

from the formidably popular and ever-effervescent meg fowler, today i steal the “Friday Love List”. I’m not the list maker that meg is, never will be, but it seemed to me to be a good idea to get things going in a positive direction this morning. behold, TheListOfThingsILove: (not in any particular order)

1. that small patch of blue sky that emerges like a revelation b/w clouds, after weeks of rain or snow
2. dogs who lean into you when you scratch their ears or back
3. a really good chocolate chip cookie (or 2) for breakfast, and the attendant cup of strong coffee
4. that feeling you get when you know that you have nothing you HAVE to do, just as you drift off into a nap
5. sewing the knitted pieces of a sweater together, and finding that together, they look so much better than as separate pieces.
6.going into local shops with edmund, to hear what he’ll say to shopkeepers: “Mamma mia!”–in an italian deli, “Excuse me, I’d like a ham and cheese croissant”–in the bakery
7. the look of absolute delight on agatha’s face EVERY SINGLE TIME she spots me waiting outside the classroom door in the afternoon.
8. kneading pizza dough, as the warm smell of bread yeast fills the kitchen
9. the sound of waves, when it’s the only sound i can hear.
10. knowing that my friends and fam read these little offerings regularly, and knowing that people i’ve never met do too. i feel truly honoured.

so there you have it.  as meg always suggests, feel free to partake in the love yourselves, and compose lists of your own.  i would love to know what you love.