Notes from a Run

Disclaimer: the following post is IN NO WAY intended as a passive aggressive, underhandedly-bragging-about-how-fit-I-am update on Jenn. it just happens that i have thinking and observing time while running that is not afforded to me elsewhere in my life.

first off, let me just say how much i love love love that there is a lake some 9 blocks from my house. Everytime I arrive, I marvel at the seeming randomness of its location, tucked away amongst streets of modest houses in the middle of a major Canadian city. And, like all bodies of water, big or small, it is always a source of beauty, whether in the gorgeous blaze of an autumn afternoon (like today) or the chilly frigidity of a january morning.

not only scenic, it is likewise full of opportunities for people watching. in the early morning, i encounter groups of older citizens out for their daily walks–ambling in groups of 2s or 3s, or briskly trotting along solo. on saturdays, i dodge the Farmer’s Market crowds as they sprawl aimlessly across the pathways, and try to resist the enticing aromas of barbeque that waft up from the groups of picnic benches and blankets that dot the grass near the lake. In winter, i exchange knowing glances with other chilly runners, as the steady huff-puff of our breathing spits out little tank engine clouds.

also, i love the canine crowd. more consistent than any other group, dogs and their owners own the north side of the lake and its muddy banks. no matter what the weather–sun, sleet, ice, or rain–dogs are charging in and out of the water, chasing each other in circles, and generally mucking about. their humans stand stolidly by, often in wellies, often with balls or sticks, beneficent patrons of these muddy ablutions.

but it’s not all waxing poetical. being a lake park runner is just plain fun, and affords me the unique opportunity to witness some zany human behaviour, and overhear some pretty intriguing conversations. take today, for instance. as i came chugging around the dog side of the lake (and believe me, i chug), i could see an older gentleman, arms outstretched, gesticulating, while staring out at the lake. i thought, perhaps, that he was taking a moment to argue with some insistent voices in his head, but, as i drew nearer (giving him some room, i might add) i discovered that, in fact, he was utilizing that most confusing of new inventions, the handsfree phone. and then, not 10 feet further along the trail, but 2 youngish people, engrossed in conversation, inadvertently inform me that the subject of their conversation, a certain “he”, “well, he got into debt playing Farmville”. i think i actually chuckled out loud at this, thus making me blend into the kooky personscape even more. or so i tell myself.

so, now that i’ve told you about one of my favourite haunts, and its best features, allow me to ask you this Question o’ the Day: what is your most favoured neighbourhood spot? and, what makes you love it so?

Holidays, horseback, happy birthdays

summer adventures continue here in milleyville. most remain undocumented, at least in photos, since i keep bringing the camera, and then forget to use it. i do have a few shots, however, of some of our latest family times. jaegen took a couple of extra holiday days this past long weekend (BC Day here in BC), and we went to visit mes parentes. much merriment in the smoky Cariboo this time, and many, many sugary treats doled out to ever-more-hyper-and-greedy grandchildren. (who knew you could put marshmallow candies ON TOP OF Lucky Charms?) the ‘rents kindly treated my sisters and my fam to a trail ride at a local ranch, where agatha surprised everyone with her ability to ride solo, despite that she was hitched into a saddle too big for her, and a horse that occasionally had ideas of its own.
(am super-fond of last photo of moi, since i think i look like one of those horsey ladies who vacations in france and drinks many lattes, as opposed to how i actually feel/look on a horse, ie, slightly lumpy and nervous

took mes soeurs out to dinner and dessert, and took turns with the camera:

have to say that these ladies make me feel simultaneously old (to have such lovely grown up sisters all of a sudden!) and young (as in, we giggle and mock until jaegen almost threatens to leave our table

yesterday, we were treated to a marathon day of birthday fun, nature walks, and cosy chats with dear friends.

basking in the oversocialized exhaustion a bit today, but truly grateful for all the good times.

but, it wouldn’t really be my blog if it didn’t conclude with something much more random, and of a more curious nature. behold, the most inexplicable name for a convenience store ever devised:

Question o’ the Day: If you had to speculate, what would you say is the reasoning behind the name choice for the above store? i’m really curious to know what you think.

p.s. a shameless little plug for my father, the amazing photographer: cariboo photography love it. buy it. own your own piece of the cariboo.

back to life

I thought, when I basically decided to cease blogging, that it was a no-brainer decision. Since writing time was (is!) scarce, and life has been carved up into mostly unusable chunks, my natural inclination was to kick out some of my ‘leisure’ activities. I felt badly that I wouldn’t be keeping the faraway friends and fam updated as to life with my ever-changing small people, but I never anticipated that it was me who would lose out most. I assumed that writing, for me, was/is an indulgence; instead, i discovered that it just might be necessary.

At first, i tried the usual things: facebook and twitter. they’re fun, and they certainly don’t take much energy. (though, they do seem to suck up as much time as blogging, somehow.) I keep up-to-date with all the happenings minor and significant in the lives of many people I care about. i am able to indulge my desire to share witty quotes or odd thoughts, whenever fancy strikes. i don’t have to spend a lot of time uploading, resizing, and formatting photos, since facebook is constantly flooded with photos, should anyone care to look.

then, i noticed that I’m composing posts or pieces, or imagining interviews, in my head. for awhile, i just assumed it was my usual brand of Overactive Brain crazy, which, in part, it certainly is. But, in the last week, I have come to think that, perhaps, it’s more than that. I started my blog in the first place as a sort of brain exercise, a practice of letting out the random thoughts and ideas that bob around in my head (with a healthy dose of photos and newsy items to thinly disguise my otherwise unabashed and total self-absorption). truth be told, i began to talk myself out of the more serious writing, convinced that it wasn’t that important anyway, and that people preferred happy, upbeat Jenn, rather than the more neurotic and endlessly analytical version.

in any case, i let it go. stopped posting, stopped really thinking about it, until, as i’ve said, i realized that all that weird imaginative and critical work is still going on in my head, and the longer i let it just fester there, the more insistent it becomes. i don’t have school anymore, no papers to write, no seminars to monopolize. what i do have, however, is the urge to give form to my thoughts and musings, even in cursory, often self-deprecating form. And, since the intertoobz graciously allows me a virtual soapbox, i think i intend to use it. this doesn’t mean that i will begin to preach fire-and-brimstone type political opinions, (although, don’t get me started on the media circus around Tiger Woods . i will, however, attempt to return to my blogging roots, spending a bit of time on the niceties of daily life, but also, occasionally, on the questions that intrigue me (would it be possible to be be a dual income household and share the child rearing duties? why does Malcolm Gladwell not write about women? is the sign of the new post post modern novel that characters actually change over the course of a narrative? etc.) all of it just as random and loquacious as i am.
what hasn’t and won’t change, though, is my sincere affection for the few of you who read, and respond. i love a discussion, and i will always attempt to start one. the “Question o’ the Day” feature isn’t going anywhere. and neither, apparently, am i.

Question o’ the day: what is the last thing you saw on television that made you mad?

birthday blog and pageant post

Agatha’s 6th Birthday Party (aka, the Weekend to End All Weekends)

It began peacefully enough. jaegen and the kids trotted off to KitsPageantPractice2009, and i, left to myself, went for a run, had a nice shower, and began party prep in earnest.

We were in full swing, however, by about 3 pm, and rather than give you the play-by-play, I here post a few collages of the main event. (please click on the collage to view it full size)

KitsChurchChristmasPageantfest2009

We were all up bright and early sunday morning for our annual church christmas pageant. agatha had a speaking role this year, as “Angel #2″, and spoke her line beautifully at the appointed time.

Then, it was off to: MilleyBirthdayFest and WaffleExtravaganza

A fun time was had by all. And, last but not least, the kids let me take pictures of them for the first time in a long time. Of course, candy canes help. In fact, the candy canes led to these hilarious pics, wherein the JMilley children look like serious thugs:

many, many thanks to everyone involved for all the giftage, love, and practical help this weekend. it is my sincerest wish that agatha will one day fully appreciate the overabundance of love that has always surrounded her and that has blessed our family so profoundly.

Question o’ the day: what candy or treat do you like in your stocking?

am still alive…barely

just wanted to let all of you know that i’m still around, and i haven’t let this blog thing go forever or anything. i’m just finding (WARNING: CLICHE TO FOLLOW) the start of school, and being a school mom, a lot more time-consuming and stressful than i ever imagined. for example: every day begins at 6:45 (or earlier), followed by a rush to get everyone out the door, then a whirlwind of errands, feed smallest person lunch, put down for nap, do laundry/dinner prep/cleaning/exercising/sewing, get littlest one up, rush to school, pick up stressed out first grader. bring semi-comatose school child home. attempt to entertain/ignore/coddle/coax/cajole said person into not imploding while making dinner and lunches for following day. welcome work-distracted spouse home. serve dinner to largely unappreciative small people. clean them, read to them, put them in bed. sew or work or enter tv coma for 2 hrs. fall into bed. repeat. repeat. repeat. dude. i barely have time to even type in a facebook status, and i’ve left twitter behind for now.
anyhoo, let’s turn the focus on to you now. Question O’ the Day: Tell me what you love about Fall. or hate about it. just give me a run down of your feelings about this time of year. will accept: well-focused precise paragraphs, one-liners, haiku, stream of consciousness, beat poetry, etc.

Cathartic blaaaaaaahhh

so, i haven’t had to use the “BC Children’s Emergency Speedpass” tm in awhile. But, tonight, edmund and i had to take a trip to see the lovely nurses (and a blase, irritating physician) at said medical institution.  Edmund’s third bout with croup (this fall) isn’t going so well.  We’re talking fever, extreme and prolonged coughing fits, and, the symptom that really put it over the top: a horrible strangulated face he makes (complete with bulging eyes and extended tongue) when he isn’t getting any air.  and, why am i writing about it?  well, for starters, it’s what’s been happening in the life of our family.  i keep hoping that we’ll stay healthy for awhile, and that i’ll be able to blog about other, more entertaining, more philosophical topics, but i’m afraid that this is it.  this seemingly neverending series of illnesses is, in fact, the epicentre of action for these Milleys.  I’ve tried to avoid blogging about it, or, at least, only doing so in short snippets, but it isn’t accurate or truthful to omit such a crucial component of our life.  so, i’ve just been posting less.  which also sucks.  for me, at least.  perhaps you all are relieved to have time away from the recitation of domestic banalities which so often constitutes my life , but i, for one, miss sharing humourous sidenotes and more serious musings in a more regular fashion.

All of that so convolutedly said, i am going to blog on.  only, for the next little while, you might hear a bit more of the down side of all things Milleyesque.  i hope you can handle it.  i likewise promise to share, as i have been meaning to for quite some time, some of the things for which i am most grateful.

some of those things:

curling up in bed with my kids and a stack of picture books. pure heaven.

the graciousness with which my friends and family handle my emotional hyperactivity

solitary post-dawn walks, roaming up and down the misty hills in my quirky neighbourhood

really sympathetic nurses

late night bowls of cereal

A question o’ the day, then:  what one thing are you most grateful for?  is it material? emotional? spiritual?

all about the wonder

Occasionally, (very occasionally now that small ones run my life) i have a philosophical moment, a brief period of time where certain incidents coalesce in my brain and lead to reflection.  this last week, i have been thinking about wonder, about awe, about being fully present…and it’s all mr. rogers’ fault.

let me explain.  last week, i did what i usually do on mondays.  i let the kids have lunch in front of a taped rerun of mr. rogers while i ride my bike on the trainer.  it works well for all of us (though less well for the carpet in the den), and i sort of look forward to it.  anyhoo, on that particular episode, mr. r was at a large wild animal park (a really big one, meghann, with 1800 acres in the southern u.s.).  he got to ride out into an enclosure and feed giraffes. so there he is, in the back of a safari truck, offering carrots to the giant and comical giraffes (who grab food with elongated purple tongues, i might add).  And, suddenly, he looks straight into the camera with this look of such unmediated delight that you could see, just briefly, what he must have looked like as an awestruck child.  It struck me as such a brave and lovely thing, that openness to pure joy, that willingness to express his absolute gratitude and sheer happiness that, at 65+, here he was, getting to feed giraffes.

The next night, i was privileged enough to spend an evening listening to Maya Angelou.  As the stories drew to a close, she shared with us the Terance quote, “I am human; therefore, nothing human can be alien to me.”  She went on to point out that this statement does in fact mean what it is often reported to–that any heinous crime is possible by any person.  But, she went on to elaborate that this statement also infers that any positive action is possible.  “I see that person over there giving love,” she said, “so i know it is possible for me to love.  Much more, I see that person receive love, and I know that that is possible.”  Again, i was overwhelmed.  She seemed so completely in awe of those possibilities, so totally thankful for all the positive things humans are capable of.

Where does all this lead me?  Well, i think i’m beginning to believe that wonder is an indication of maturity, and not cynicism, or ironic distance, or self-consciousness, as i think i have always believed.  the notion that i might be fully in a moment, without thought or care for what those around me may think, is a powerful one.  because i think it takes courage to really be, to not strike a mental or emotional pose.  to feel.  to hope.  to suffer.  and, more than most things, i’d like to be like these people i admire–aging with dignity and still chock full of wonder at the universe.