all about the wonder

Occasionally, (very occasionally now that small ones run my life) i have a philosophical moment, a brief period of time where certain incidents coalesce in my brain and lead to reflection.  this last week, i have been thinking about wonder, about awe, about being fully present…and it’s all mr. rogers’ fault.

let me explain.  last week, i did what i usually do on mondays.  i let the kids have lunch in front of a taped rerun of mr. rogers while i ride my bike on the trainer.  it works well for all of us (though less well for the carpet in the den), and i sort of look forward to it.  anyhoo, on that particular episode, mr. r was at a large wild animal park (a really big one, meghann, with 1800 acres in the southern u.s.).  he got to ride out into an enclosure and feed giraffes. so there he is, in the back of a safari truck, offering carrots to the giant and comical giraffes (who grab food with elongated purple tongues, i might add).  And, suddenly, he looks straight into the camera with this look of such unmediated delight that you could see, just briefly, what he must have looked like as an awestruck child.  It struck me as such a brave and lovely thing, that openness to pure joy, that willingness to express his absolute gratitude and sheer happiness that, at 65+, here he was, getting to feed giraffes.

The next night, i was privileged enough to spend an evening listening to Maya Angelou.  As the stories drew to a close, she shared with us the Terance quote, “I am human; therefore, nothing human can be alien to me.”  She went on to point out that this statement does in fact mean what it is often reported to–that any heinous crime is possible by any person.  But, she went on to elaborate that this statement also infers that any positive action is possible.  “I see that person over there giving love,” she said, “so i know it is possible for me to love.  Much more, I see that person receive love, and I know that that is possible.”  Again, i was overwhelmed.  She seemed so completely in awe of those possibilities, so totally thankful for all the positive things humans are capable of.

Where does all this lead me?  Well, i think i’m beginning to believe that wonder is an indication of maturity, and not cynicism, or ironic distance, or self-consciousness, as i think i have always believed.  the notion that i might be fully in a moment, without thought or care for what those around me may think, is a powerful one.  because i think it takes courage to really be, to not strike a mental or emotional pose.  to feel.  to hope.  to suffer.  and, more than most things, i’d like to be like these people i admire–aging with dignity and still chock full of wonder at the universe.

Warning: this post may contain bizarre images of disturbing cake.

so,  last night we celebrated the end of knitting  (an event i host every 2 weeks here) for the summer, and miranda’s successful dissertation defense.  go, dr. miranda!

in honour of her first doctorate, i made a special cake, complete with (at her request) glowing green brains (referencing her research).  i warn you, however, that you might find this next set of photos less than appealing.  but, a merry time was had by all (and the brains are made of jello i mixed with applejuice. delish, actually.)

so, there you have it.  an evening of bbq, copious treats, and threats to MouseCake.

Other news:  Agatha graduated from preschool on Friday.  this photo is perhaps the quintessential “Agatha Focus” photo.

Unaware of all the hoopla, she is ‘reading’ her diploma.  The border was illustrated with nursery rhyme characters, which caused a certain amount of (probably valid) consternation on her part.  Why would there be nursery rhyme types on a diploma, after all?  highly illogical.

so, since my latest questions o’ the day have been generating such a big response, i’ll try another.  this time, i’ll keep it light, however:  What is your favourite summer meal?

up early again, and this time on a saturday!

yuck.  bless you, all you who run our hospitals and other essential services (like restaurants) that keep us safe and happy on weekends!

seriously, i almost entitled this post, “Hot for Teacher’s Approval”, but i figured it would generate too many hits from those seeking other, more ’spicy’ fare.  that’s all to say that i am in the third and final (full day!) session of instructor training, which commences in just over an hour.  so far, i’d have to say that it’s winning me over.  certainly, i’ve had a chance to write some poetry, draw, lesson plan, and generally enjoy being an autonomous person in the universe.  oh, and i have learned some very useful things, and met some nice people.

which leads me to my next topic, and my Question o’ the day.  first off, let me just record that it has been a trying time making (or, not really making, as the case may be) friends in this neighbourhood.  I do try to take responsibility for my part in this; I am an introvert, after all, and realize that the fault may not be entirely everyone else’s.  thus i query to myself regularly: “Am I just not similar enough to the other parents?”, “Am I too odd/silent/sour-looking?”, “Is my hotness off-putting?”  kidding.  but really though, it’s been an uphill battle to get anywhere socially.

So, my question o’ the day:  What do you do to make friends?  What do you do when you are feeling socially awkward in a new setting?  If you are a parent, what is it that you do to make friends at the park or school?  i treasure all the wisdom that i know you are going to share with me (and i mean that only mildly sarcastically.  oh wait…is sarcasm the source of my social issues????? )

3 Images (hopefully) to say it all.

boy, do i hate this new image-uploading software.

Anyhoo,  things i like:

making sweet treats

origami

still life photography

forcing you to partake in the above via the narcissism of a blog:

And, scene.

up early and wired

i’m going to miranda’s thesis defense this morning.  since academics are such reasonable creatures, the powers that be have scheduled it for 9 am.  sharp.  so sharp, in fact, that they lock the doors at 9.  laissez les bon temps rouler!  (sidenote:  Go, Miranda, Go!)

seriously, though, confession time.  most of you know that i have a fair bit of anxiety about driving (sidenote: why is it that so many academically-inclined women i know have issues with operating a vehicle?  intriguing.)  so, today, i’m going to put both my children in a car and drive them across town, and then continue on my own from emma’s to ubc…blah blah blah.  the point is, i am up and jittery with nerves–pumped full of an antihistamine-coffee-post-run-endorphins-chocolate cocktail.  wow. that’s some combo.

which all leads me to my question o’ the day:  what is your routine before you face something that makes you nervous?  do you emotionally break-and-avoid, dissociating from what’s ahead?  do you overplan?  what’s your coping strategy?

for those of you who say i don’t post frequently enough…

you’re right. but, here is a second post in two days, you Constant Browser Refreshers, you!

of course, i’m going to cheat here and post some birthday party photos.

actually, i thought this was rather sweet and fantastical, since in real life edmund patently REFUSES to hold agatha’s hand.

the next photos prove that i am all kinds of crazy.  and see, miranda?  it doesn’t really look like an airplane.  though, i do think the Pez windows are an inspiration.

there were bird cupcakes too, but apparently they looked like the number “3″, which confused one of our family members. (it wasn’t a child, mind you.)

And, of course, in true milleyfashion, it’s not really a party until the birthday guy runs around in crocs (he doesn’t like grass–ahem–on his bare toesies) and no pants playing with a giant sword that makes bubbles (thanks(?) mama and papa).

well, that’s the last of the photos for now.  i’m afraid that i forgot the camera at our small person party this morning.  which is sad for you (is it? is it really?), but it was nice to participate as parent and friend, as opposed to Official Photographer of Life/Blog Moment, as i sometimes become.

Question o’ the day: What’s the best birthday party you’ve ever been the star of?  Or, what’s the most ingeniously themed party you’ve ever attended?

For those of you who love the pictures…

and those of you who don’t–LOOK AWAY NOW!

First up, some photos from yesterday’s craft morning. we made summer solstice lanterns, and a variety of other arty things (for the first time in ages.) it was mostly fun, and very messy:

Now, as for today, it is, as some of you may remember, Edmund’s second birthday. See if you can guess from the photos where it is that we went for our Mystery Trip…

Any guesses? Now, of course we followed it up with a trip to White Spot…

While waiting for food, Edmund worked on Blue Steel for a bit–got to keep it fresh, you know:

he’s still got it. When we got home, we celebrated by putting together a new Playmobil airplane (many tears tonight when he was informed that it couldn’t sleep beside him. cruel parental units. oh the harsh realities of 2.)

“And, to add insult to injury, they made me wear this dorky new sweater my mom knit me. who are these people anyway?”

Last, but not least, what would an Edmund Birthday be without a good old snot face?

laters.

When responses deserve a response.

well, have to say that i was not expecting the volley of responses to that last post, nor was i expecting the eloquence and humour contained therein.  thank you all.

as for this reflection experiment, it works some days, but not others (ie, if i go to bed post 11 pm the night before).  i have, however, had a few blessed moments of solitude over the last week.  i can’t say that they’ve been generative of any major epiphanies, but they certainly have helped in the perspective department.  (did i mention that i know that i lived a freaking charmed life?  because i do, and it has ABSOLUTELY NOTHING to do with me.  which doesn’t always sit well, but i’m trying out “contentment” and “gratitude” too.  these are, sadly, ongoing and less-than-successful experiments.)  but again, thanks for all the feedback.  i really appreciate it.  Some specifics:

Meg and Miranda:  I too miss the glorious anonymity of bus time.  mean bus drivers and mentally unstable people excepted, of course.  i so often arrived at work/school in a more ‘centred’ place b/c of public smelly transit.

vanessa and lisa:  i would like to nap, and when i can, it’s GLORIOUS (i sang that word as i wrote it).  but, it only seems to happen when i’m on ‘vacation’, when i have nothing else to do.

mom and isabelle:  how well you know yourselves, and me.  i too feel thrown into the day if i get up with everyone else (mom), and it is about control (isabelle).   or predictability, i think.  if i know with relative certainty that there will be a timeout for me, i’m much more able to pace myself, patience-wise.

meg:  i too have horrible sleeping habits–i have this new theory that some of us rarely drop into REM sleep, so we feel perpetually half-awake, ‘watching’ our brains sort out all the info we’ve acquired during the day.

So, a new Question o’ the Day:  If you could design a near-perfect day, what would it entail?  What would it absolutely have to have in it?  Go nuts.  Tell me everything; i’m dying to get all the fascinating details from such a fantastic group of women.  (not that that should exclude male readers, ps btw.)

when reflection squeezes out writing time

which is what has happened recently.  before, thanks to kids sleeping in, i was able to both blog and have quiet time in a more routine fashion. well, i don’t quite know what happened–well, i do, but the reasons are too varied and tedious to article–but i just stopped having that 30-45 min. morning window of time.

consequently, i’ve been more harried and busy, and have lately lapsed into that lovely “whoa is me the domestic victim” thing to which i am sometimes prone.  this thrown-headlong-into-a-day-already-too-full-of-demands thing has similarly destroyed any time i would like to devote to writing.  hence the bizarre pose of this hackneyed prose.

enough.  i have been attempting, this week, to haul my tired ass out of bed a wee bit earlier, to see whether an extra 15 min. of quiet space buys me a bit more patience and perspective.  i will keep you posted on the success of this experiment, as riveting as i’m sure the details are going to be.

so, to the Question O’ the Day:  How much “alone time” (no rude inferences, please) do you need in a day?  Or, is there a particular activity (again, keep it clean) that soothes your troubled soul in a reliable way?  i am always open to suggestions.

ladybuggyness: or, how agatha, mommy, and camera don’t mix

So, i’ve made a first attempt at a ladybug costume for the darling Renata. And, being as insane as sometimes i can be, i decided to try to get some photos of said costume on agatha. oh, it gets better. i also decided to try to photograph some of the dresses i’ve made for her, since there are no photos of children actually in the reversible sundresses. it gets even better. i decide to do this impromptu photo shoot after a long and exhausting morning of cleaning (read: edmund is celebrating his second birthday by cutting his 3-yr molars. he is, as you can imagine, frightfully happy and content. and, doesn’t spend most mornings whining/crying/falling over/gnawing on household items. no, of course not). but i digress. after a cheater “bob-the-builder” lunch, i dress agatha in the costume, and proceed to become a horrible stage mother, pestering her angrily about her lack of focus, and apparent need to jut out her chin/tongue/arms at every opportunity. i try desperate pleading–”Just pretend the big circle of the lens is mommy’s eyes. just look at me normally. just smile….” fill in the rest. demoralized, i read some cursory stories and pack everyone into their beds. now i sit here, poring over amateurish and blurry photos, wondering what the hell is wrong with my thinking. but, since i’ve gone to all the trouble, i might as well share a few of the less heinous ones with you. someone should get something out of this, shouldn’t they?

I’ll post the other sundress ones on the agatha blog , but here’s how she looked as we finished up:

Question o’ the day: have you ever taken ‘unhappy’ photos? have you ever been the subject in an unhappy photo shoot? make me feel better, people.